Preparing for Your First Mediation Meeting: A Practical Checklist

The families who get the most from mediation arrive at the first session already doing half the work. Preparation does not mean rehearsing grievances — it means having the facts, the documents and a clear idea of your own priorities. Here is the checklist worth an evening of your time.

The documents

• Financial: last three months of bank statements, recent payslips, mortgage statement, utility bills, pension statements, insurance policies

• Debts: credit cards, loans, any money owed to family

• Children: their actual weekly schedule — school times, activities, who currently does what

For the individual welcome meeting you need none of this — but bringing the list means the finance sessions can start immediately instead of waiting a month for homework.

The thinking

Before you sit down, write — for yourself — three lists:

• What you need (the items you cannot move on: the children's school stability, a liveable budget)

• What you want (things you would like but could trade)

• What they probably need and want (the honest guess — mediation works when both sides' cores are met)

This private triage is the single most useful mediation exercise: it turns 'I want what's fair' into positions you can actually exchange.

What the first meeting is — and is not

The individual welcome meeting is not a negotiation. It is the mediator explaining the process, checking that mediation is safe and suitable, and hearing your account. You will not be asked to agree anything, and you cannot say the wrong thing. It is also your chance to interview the mediator: accreditation, experience with cases like yours, how sessions are scheduled, what everything costs.

• Bring your questions about process, confidentiality and fees

• Say plainly if there is violence, intimidation or fear — the mediator screens for it, but your honesty sets the design

Preguntas frecuentes

Should I talk to a solicitor first?

If you can, yes — one advice session before mediating means you negotiate knowing your legal baseline, not guessing it.

What if my ex has a solicitor and I don't?

Mediation does not require one. The mediator ensures process balance, and you can take independent advice at any point, before signing anything.

How do I keep calm if we disagree in session one?

You are not expected to agree. The mediator's job is to keep disagreement productive — your job is only to speak honestly and listen. Small agreements first, hard ones after.

In summary

Documents gathered, three private lists written, questions about process ready: one evening of preparation typically saves several paid sessions — and makes the first meeting something you walk into, rather than worry about.